As I came unto this Earth, I was born in a body surrounded by a wonderful family and an environment that was needed for my growth and process of oblivion for Self-Realization.
I grew up forgetting where I came from before this Earth, why I was here, what my purpose was and most of all, who I was beyond this physical form, amalgam of thought and emotions.
In the coming here, I was open to receive a new name as I open my eyes to see matter, this reality. Ready to receive a set of beliefs, conditioning, qualities and persona on a blue print that was long before already written in the tapestry of the void.
And so, I became this man, knowing it was not who I was in the ultimate. Being call by a beautiful name that as all it's meaning, but one that never really felt complete and aligned in the higher realm of my consciousness. It was as if this name was a hidden gift about “me” who was continuously bringing my true nature down into a limitless form, condemned by life and death with no possible salvation. A pressure pointing in the direction of freedom.
From the feelings of despair and lost with sporadic moments of happiness, I started to search for myself when I was only nine years old. I looked in the past, the possible future, inside and out, following lineage of religions, tradition of spiritual path. As I grew up, sitting in silence, dancing in sacrifice of the flesh, healing what was wounded, meditating with no sign of profound result, reading hundreds of books, I travelled the world on this quest for truth. No matter what, I knew IT was there, somewhere and everywhere at the same moment.
I had fantastic mentors, shamans, healers, teachers, lama, yogis and swamis reflecting to me an obscure direction into emptiness. I went through multiple initiation, drank lots of medicine from nature, sweat and fast to the limit, cut myself out of civilization, went on my own, far away in the mountains for days and nights…
On this path, there was always this aspect of the journey which was an interrogation for me: The spiritual nature of the being.
All those aspects about the spiritual name, the dissolution of the false persona and the descent of the soul into the body, a part of me never felt it was real, never felt it was actually true. This whole thing about Namaste, I see you, who you are truly, it always felt kind of a new age hip way of being cool. Each time I had the opportunity of receiving this spiritual name, I said no.
In September 2022, after my dad left his body, I left my birth country for another pilgrimage around the world. To learn, forget anew, listen and see for myself who I was. I went very deep into consciousness, training, learning, reading ancient texts, meditating for many hours per day, singing mantra, playing bhajan, doing pranayama’s, asanas and dozens of ceremonies on my own. Many nights, I left this body of mine, navigating realities and other dimensions, meeting with supra beings and allies, transcending what was known, moving beyond the lower mind and its fluctuation, opening myself to feel and see beyond.
After 8 months, I made the journey upward, realizing I was not existing independently as this name of individuality. I went to a place of so much space and silent fullness, of darkness and shining light. A place called hOMe. Letting behind all what I had learnt, created, accepted as who I was. And there, in a moment of timeless surrender, rapture happened. The melting away of this persona, of this little me, of conflict and confusion, of lost and search.
In this fragrance, they came to me, their voice soft, welcoming me once again. A family of eternity, non-death, non-life, non-duality. I saw the light, I saw who I was; from the Source to the incarnation. I saw them, I saw my soul and all my karma, all the stories, all the beauty of the worlds and universes. Galactical pages turning and flowing into a cosmic dance of heat and cold, the greatest ceremony of realization. I fell into laughter, a joy of incredulity, a madness of the senses, a play revealing IT self for the observer, the one eye who turn inside and see who he is.
There, they said I had the choice; “take IT or leave it”. This name, who you are in this expanded consciousness. This no-choice's is yours. I knew only fear was going to stop me, and of course, it was not going to happen. We need to move into fear to realize this is where our power resides.
Now I know, now I understand what Namaste means. I see you, who you are beyond this body of bones and blood, this addition of thought and desires, this moving of emotions. I see you from the source to the incarnation, I see your soul, your passion and your purpose.
It’s always been there and it will remain in the infinite marvel of wonder, love and bliss.
When the being of Spiritual Nature come’s in front of the human experience, all aspects are aligned, from the Source in one single ray of light.
I don't know how all of this will be integrated for me. I know many challenges will keep showing up, to allow me to grow, always. I don't know how many times I will fall back into this personality, self-doubt, un-worthiness. But I know it doesent matter now. This is the journey and as long I am here, there is a reason, magic and beauty. It's only about opening our eyes, in a new way, everyday, to see who we are. What about you dear friend? Do you see who you are?, Do you see others beyond body, hearts and mind? Let me know, we are in this together. Blessings and love Krishna
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